Bizarre Dream is Bizarre

For those who know me, they know I have majorly screwed up dreams... in a good way. Possibly. Maybe. Whatever. Either way, this next post chronicles the weirdness that invaded my head last night. I made sure to write it down before I forgot all the details. Viewer discretion is advised.


The dream starts by showing that somehow me and my friend, John, have gotten jobs at the WWE for their office staff. Our position is we have to scout Europe for more talent, because apparently the US doesn't have anymore. The former person meant to do this was outed as a pedophile weeks before. Nice little knock toward Bill DeMott. Anyway, Vince or Triple H - one of the two - have us look through vignettes and photos of the next big European thing. The first one was some Russian/German guy, but he wouldn't work for the company unless everything listed on his wall sized list was given to him. Translating the currency to USD, it would've cost over $12,000,000 to get him to cooperate with the company, and this was a weekly demand. The next guy was an autistic gentleman, and I mean Eugene level, where his gimmick was dressing as the bad box art Mega Man in a poorly done cardboard costume. The only thing he can say is "Eukanuba". Where do they find these people?

Suddenly, we're called into a board meeting, with an emphasis on BORED. We're doomed to watch a slide show to help us better understand the European culture... even if it is showing things like Hitler, the Nazis, Musselini, and all the bad parts of World War II. Why, Vince, why? Oh wait, we know why.

John and I are about to pass out... that is until something weird happens to the slide show. Multicolored strobe lights radiate from the screen. Those who can see pass the light see something written in German while first grade level drawings of Freddy Krueger and Mortal Kombat's Scorpion dances on the screen. I guess the words loosely translate to "Freddy Krueger and Scorpion's Compilation Mix"... so the words were Freddy Krueger und Scorpion's Compilation Mix?
  
The dream now changes to a strange music video in spirit of Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff when it comes to the rhythm. Freddy provided vocals while Scorpion was the DJ. I couldn't understand half the lyrics or any of them while this was going on. I don't even recall the title of the song. Whatever was going on, they were hosting a monster party on a cruise ship that everyone wanted to attend. John and I, I guess we quit the WWE to go to this thing. While most are walking to the dock, we're actually driving toward it. I even caught a glimpse of my sister, Morgan, in her new black trench coat and normal casual wear walking to the boat with the cast of To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. Yes, I know Patrick Swayze's dead and John Leguizamo couldn't pull off the role anymore, but they look as they did when the movie came out. Damn, Wesley Snipes is still an ugly woman.

The song reaches its refrain and we cut to an animated version of Rick James (drawn as though he came from Regular Show) walking down the street. I remember him singing, "C'mon, y'all, you're in my world!" In the last part of his solo, Freddy's voice overlaps with his. How do I know it was Rick James? Freddy even screamed "He's Rick James, bitch!" after the solo (overused line is overused?).

After that part, everyone, and I mean everyone in the area boards the ship - John and I included. It takes off, but three other people want to get on. They look like stereotypical construction workers, you know with the white tank tops, blue jeans, and flannel shirts, except they're green skinned zombie as if drawn by Rob Zombie. They rip their heads off and use their tongues as lassos to climb aboard. Once on, three headless women dressed similarly to them run up to them and hug their arms. I remember the lyrics "My babe hanging on my arm like Terry Hatcher with Dean Cain as Superman" were heard. One of the zombie heads fly over one of the girls, causing her to scream.

So now the singing stops, it's a straight up dance party hosted by Freddy and Scorpion. Hell, even Freddy's dancing with the crowd. The music now sounds like a combination of Kurt Angle's TNA theme and "Ratfinks, Suicide Tanks, and Cannibal Girls" by White Zombie. Somehow I'm busting out some weird dance moves. For the record, the only dances I know are the Kyoryuger henshin dance and the Manderville from Final Fantasy XIV.

However, on a nearby dock, we've angered the property owner, who is Mr. Krabs from Spongebob. Don't ask. I don't know why either. He takes a big sniff and looks pissed off. He says in an angered drone "Cruise...." Next thing I know, he's pulling out a rocket launcher and shoots at our ship.

Freddy stops dancing as the rockets near. The music stops as his eyes bug out of his head like a Looney Tune. He even screams "Suffering succotash!" The ship explodes in a fiery blast as numerous screams echo across the sea.

Krabs revels in his glorious victory of ruining our party. Unbeknownst to him, me, John, Morgan, a few other people, and some rats survived and washed up on his island. The rats look like black versions of Itchy from The Simpsons. Suddenly, a golden light shines over Krabs. He stares up and says, "Ah, the light! Here to reward me! Soaring at me like a dove - no, a Phoenix! Come to me, O Light, I'm ready to bask in your awesomeness!"

The rats recover, look pissed off, and pull out different varieties of guns. Yes, they even had machine guns that cock. Krabs looks freaked out by this astonishing revelation we survived. Before he can grasp the situation, the rats open fire and blow him to bits. As we know, Krabs can survive without his body parts. The light he was praising so well ended up being a meteor with Freddy's face on it that crashed onto him.
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And that was the bizarreness that was my dream. My God, I have a headache, but I remember waking up laughing. I can only think of the following elements as to why this dream came to be:

1. I was telling Morgan about the Bill DeMott situation where he was outed as an abusive, racist, and homophobic coach for the WWE.
2. Morgan and I were talking about To Wong Foo last night.
3. I was playing Mortal Kombat last night that had Freddy in the game.
4. I attended a show for my friend's group in town. They were awesome.
5. The topic of Nazis, Fascists, and other World War II themed subjects came up in conversation last night.

I don't know why all the animated characters were present. I don't watch Spongebob Squarepants, so I don't know why Krabs was there. I haven't seen The Simpsons in a long time, so I don't know why Itchy would be in my dream. Either way, the dream was weird...

And I loved every second of it.